Advice needed. Have an older (72, I'm 50) friend who constantly reminds me how little she eats due to?
lack of money.A typical day for her is eating a honeybun (fat and sugar) pretzels and sipping Coke and sweet tea.(says she’s not diabetic) Maybe once or twice a week she will mooch a meal off of the local pizza shop-salad, grilled chicken, french fries, soda) She is a widow who owns her own home, has no mortgage, no car (no longer drives-lost license due to nonpayment of registration and insurance), buys no clothes or shoes, and gets $1200/month social security. Her health is deteriorating and I can't help but think that diet plays at least some part. Basic blood work is pretty good except cholesterol is a bit high so she doesn't order fries as often.She has had cellulitis on her legs for a year now-treated w/antibiotics and went away for a while.Dr. prescribed a cream which she says she can't afford so she didn't buy it and the cellullitis came back. Her skin now weeps constantly and is extremely painful-this CAN NOT be good. I have given her contact info for social services for food to be delivered, medicaid, etc., but she always has an excuse-no ride-no money-nobody called her back-no money-lost the number-no money, etc.-get the picture? She thinks she has a lack of money problem. Any time I mention that a better diet will make her feel better she changes the subject to sunshine and roses. She's always telling me about these dreams she has where a knight in shining armor(a rich one) whisks her away . this is only the tip of the iceberg. I don't want to be cruel or insensitive- I know that $1200 is a lot of money, but I also know it doesn't go far these days. Can't talk to her kids 'cause they don't really want anything to do w/her and she doesn't know why. I think I am her only friend ( I am female). She asked to borrow $50 once back when she was working.I did not give it to her because I did not want to take a chance of ruining our friendship. So, she knows she will not get money from me and does not ask anymore. She also takes awful chances. When she worked at a convenience store a few years ago, she would never have a ride home. Somehow, she would always find someone to give her a ride (15 minute drive from the store. Now, when she walks the ½ mile to the pizzeria, people stop and tell her she looks like she’s in pain and they give her a ride-complete strangers. She calls me almost everyday and could talk (usually about the same thing) for hours-everyday! My husband is getting tired of all the time I spend listening to her complaining. Wow...that’s a lot. If you’re still with me, tell me, am I helping or hurting her by listening. It’s all I can really do-or is there something I'm missing?.
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half and half- how long has the 'concern' of yours that her health needs proper attention? more than year? in my opinion if more than year she is generally 'upsetting' you as far as your woory her calls her health - then - sure you cannot possibly solve her serious needs. thus serious problems need proper solutions- and I suppose you could see that proper people can look into her and somehow properly separate yourself .
Take into consideration that the building she lives in is now so much safer than an additional situation perhaps at this time. The code enforcers, hearth marshall and other organizations can be hovering over the constructing to watch the protection moreso now that there may be been an incident. It can be the same notion as how it was safer to fly correct after Sep 11 considering that what was lost sight of before was once then watched like a hawk. I wouldn't need her to maneuver. She has reminiscences the place she is and i know you're keen on her, but to make her transfer from there now (when the security disorders are going to be far more managed anyway) would do extra harm than good. When you simply have to have her move, simply sit down down and have a compassionate and empathetic conversation along with her to let her comprehend your concerns. If she is unyielding, do not push it. Simply plant the seed and walk away. If it flourishes and grows that is a bonus, but when it would not which you could be comforted in knowing that she is in a location that makes her blissful. The robust-arm tactic is anything you might have to do via Social offerings and would absolutely purpose extra stress and suffering than could be eventually prudent. Good success!
She seems to be senile which is normal but someone has to look after her best interests. Does your state have In Home Support Services which pay a caregiver (anyone) several hours a week? She must be low income or on Medicaid to qualify. Meals on Wheels takes donations and if she does not have money thats OK, they will still bring the meals. Also, there are senior food programs that deliver groceries at home (I am on this one). I also go to a food pantry each week and get free groceries, which someone can take her, just find out where the local food pantry is. She doesnt have to walk at all. Every major city has a senior and disabled paratransit bus that takes people door to door. I feel bad for her because I am almost that old but know where the resources are. You could also call county Social Services and ask how you can help, or if they can help her. $1200 a month is average income for someone on Social Security and may not be low income.
Okay I read all that.
You could find out what med she needs and call the company directly, they might have a discount program for senior citizens, if not I would call her doctors office and see if there is an alternative that does.
She is not going to change. You are only hurting yourself by listening. I would avoid her for a bit and get some distance..... go have a few date nights with your hubby.
The woman sounds like a leech. She is the kind of person that sucks the life from their friends. Everything is all doom and gloom. You seem to be the only person she is talking to because you don't give her grief, but you are a good listener, and you have still stuck around. I have met people like that, and I often find myself like a magnet to people like her.
If it were me I would find her kids, facebook, interenet... whatever. And ask them what her deal is. She might have been like this her whole life, and that's why her family is no longer around. They probably nagged her about her health and the lack of caring for herself.
NOBODY has kids that don't talk to them and they don't know why. They probably gave up because of frustration. Maybe she has some sort of gambling issue and thats where her money is going. I would see if you can get ahold of the kids and the real story and then decide if you want to continue to be friends with this woman, but it sounds like you are only sticking around out of guilt that something will happen to her. Don't let her drag you down because she will.
Tell her you will help her budget if you can and she needs it, but if she is not going to take the meds she needs, you will basically watch her die. You should be direct with her about it and remind her that you don't want to watch her die. Be kind, but be firm.