Is this a good poem? You rate.?
My little brother wrote a poem for his 8th Grade Reading Class, and needs some criticism to check if it is good enough.
Remember its for a 8th Grade Reading class.
If its not good enough to fit his standards can somebody change some words around and add some more to make it his grade level or higher?
1-5. Rate. ex: 5/5 (most unlikely)
"We. Us.
Everybody.
We are all going through excruciating pain or sparkling joy
On days which of are quite mundane.
One. Two. three. Four.
We all count.
The paths we can choose.
Smooth. Nice. Delighting.
Bumpy. Horrific. Decieving.
Time to choose. Choose wisely.
But we take the wrong path. We are now hidden.
Hidden in the Dark Cloud
The deep dark cloud that surrounds us all.
Did We find our way out? We thought we escaped.
But we are still stuck here. Lost all of our fate.
Drowned out of all our morals.
Its all the Bad things that are good now.
Everybody. Dying from this.
This epidemic we face.
The Dark Cloud.
But who else is affected?
We. Us.
Everybody."
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
In this poem, there is a little bit of confusion at the end. What do you mean by "But who else is affected"- this could refer to the bad or good things. And "The deep dark cloud that surrounds us all" - that phrase seams to block fate of the good things that might happen, or is it that we need to break through this dark cloud so that we can achieve a good path? The reader needs just a little more understanding (try not to make it too obvious). :)
It's pretty good, :) It's a little emo tho, no offense. It really chronicles the time that were living in right now tho. I'll give it a 9 outta 10! Good Job!
Its no longer undesirable you acquire the staggering concept....i component some adjustments could desire to be accomplished yet im no longer likely to cause them to by using fact its your poem and that i think that throughout the time of basic terms you comprehend what you the place questioning and feeling on the 2d that it grew to become into written so in basic terms you may exchange it. even nonetheless in case you think of its perfect how that's then pass away it as is ...its your poem your thoughts being expressed no longer all and sundry else's...tip from me think again your poem and think of roughly what you wrote and what you may desire to alter.
I'll give tat a 4/5..n do u have any malay(guys) friends that might wan 2 go 4 a chinese transvetite lke me??
just awesome :)