all parents/solicitors plz help?
my ex is causing trouble again! he didnt turn up again last night and he promised he would an we were ment to be taking are daughter to a bonfire we sat waiting for hours and he didnt come, this upset my daughter. he rang late last nite to say he wasnt coming he'd had a drink and he didnt want to come! he said he would come today and we are waiting again as yet he still has not turned up as promised! this is an ongoing problem! then he will turn it round and say it all me!!! he treatens me with solicitors but as yet as only sent 1 letter then not followed it through its making me ill as i constantly get hurt and messed around! so my question is would a court say he can accsess to her when all he does it mess us about! we split up in the first place because he used to hit me! i rang the police it has gone to court and he is now on probation! he stopped going to probation and they took him back to court he only got a telling off! he seems to be always able to do what he wants
Update:i do have a solicitor but he say they will grant him acsess as hes the dad! he is a rubbish father and very selfish i dont trust him to be alone with her and it would make me ill if they said he can take her off for the day i would be a nervous reck thinking she's not been looked after propley
Update 3:my daughter is only 3 and its affecting her as she see me getting upset and stressed by it even tho i try not to let her see it
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
I have had this and I've just left refuge and been rehoused 200 miles from him-
My ex was hitting my other daughters which are not his biologically-My ex is so crackers he chased his boss with a machete.
When I was in refuge I tried to stay in touch with him cos the baby was 5 months old-I was weak and felt terribly guilty for my baby not having her dad-He was never bothered about her as he left me when she was 2 weeks old and I'd had a C-Section-
Despite being married he would come and go as he pleased-until he hit my girls then I left-he was always screaming at me.
I tried to contact him when I was weak-I was told leave him alone cos I was a fruitcake-So I did.
I was suffering with serious depression cos of him and I'd seen a woman run over by 3 cars-I was first on scene at 5 months pregnant, as well as dealing with my other daughters death.
He would insist on driving me everywhere as we were 10 miles to nearest town.I was so isolated.He once abandoned me on the dual carraigeway taking my baby with him-And also once tried to snatch her.
I got rehoused and I got wise-I started divorce proceedings and I had no contact with him-
And now 9 months later he wants to see her-He was told it's the contact center only-He has to travel a 400 mile round trip to see her for one hour a month-He can't even push her on the swings-And social services will back me up.
You reap what you sow-Get tough babe cos it's all they respond to.
good luck
This is a very tough situation.
Your ex is entitled to see your child and sadly, from a legal standpoint, entitled to stand her up.
This man is a total disgrace. My advice would first be to get another solicitor as yours doesn't seem very helpful.
You do have the right, as the one with prime parental responsibility, to prevent anything that could potentially cause harm to your daughter.
So, I think that should be your position. Go back to the court and ask that all access should be stopped as the ramifications are causing distress to your daughter. See if you can get your GP and school (if she goes) on side to say that she's being made unhappy.
The bottom line is that your daughter has a greater right to be happy than her father has to see her.
I understand totally how you feel. My son's father has been a nightmare in this respect.
Good luck xxx
ugg.. that is horrid. But the best thing to do is not let her know ahead of time that he is coming. She is only 3. Let it be a surprise when he does show up. She will take her cues from you right now, so if you don't actually count on him to show up and go about your normal daily routine with her, she will think nothing is going on and she doesn't get upset because her dad didn't show up. When he does great, if not that is okay too.
As for the court, if you have the police reports and such to prove he is violent, then he would probably get supervised access.
Had this problem with the (now wife's ex) do not tell your child that dad is coming, if he does great surprise for them if not your child is none the wiser and not upset lets protect them for a start. As for the ex, if he is on the birth cert and you were married he will (I believe) have what is called parental responsibility. This will give him certain rights, if he is not on the birth cert he hasnt got a leg to stand on. If he threatens solicitors tell him to go ahead let him spend his money, it seems to hurt them after a while and they generally give up due to costs unless he has money to spend. Above all protect your child from the hurt of knowing dad is coming and not turn up situation, dont fret and seek citizen advice or legal aid when needed to goto solicitors. Hope this is some help.
A sympathetic father.
First this guy sounds like a terrible father. However, there is a way to protect your daughter's feelings. When he promises to do something like the bonfire, don't tell her. That way if he don't show up her heart won't be broken, and if he do show up it is a happy surprise for her. Also if he is that bad, you divorce him. Courts very rarely take children from their mothers (unless they are unfit moms), also make sure it gets on record that the reason y'all separated is that he use to beat you, and if they feel your daughter is threatened they may make him stay totally away.
I would not put up with this honey, especially as he is deliberately putting his own life first i.e. going out for drinkies with his chums...What a selfish Basket he is. Your poor little girl must be totally confused & hurt. I wouldn't wait for him for any longer than 15 mins, unless he phones telling you a lagitamate reason why he running a LITTLE bit late. Go do the things that you arrange with your daughter don't let HIM hold you up, she will appreciate the fact that at least Mum is there for me. Put little one first & tell him to peeee off. No the courts would never take her away from YOU & give her to this mooron
keep track of every time he does not show for a scheduled event you have with your daughter... do not ever wait for him. you make things worse by waiting. you should have gone to the bonfire and screw him if he showed up and you were not there. you need to understand he he is playing games and you are the loser in this one. you need to stop playing and move on. if he is late by five minutes and has not called then move on and go to the event or change plans and do something else. DO NOT LET HIM DO THIS...
don't let her know that he has made plans with you. Don't expect him. Give him a 1/2 hour past the time he said he would be there if he does not show up go do something with your daughter. You will need to get your emotions under control and not show this to your child. Everytime he does not show up remember he is hurting himself by not spending time with her and that he is missing out and this is truly his loss and your gain. So silently thank him for not showing up and giving you more time with her. I know this will not always easy to do as women are highly emotional creatures but it will be best for your child and also yourself. good luck
If your ex is an alcohalic violent and irresponsible person the court will help you to have exclusive custody of your daughter and refreain your husband from visiting you Speak to your solicitor again and if he doesnt agree to your point you can change the solicitor.
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