What do you think of this story i wrote?

I want to be a writer. Im only 16, but this is a start.

IT'S SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! BY: JENNIFER C

I love to go shopping all summer long. I like to look for the newest fashions. It is so great to get to go out and relax. I wish summer could last forever. But when I’m not wishing it was summer then I am wishing it was winter so I could look at the beautiful snow lying on the flat grassy ground. The trees covered in ice, to the point they look like they are going to break. The hot chocolate and the cookies. Christmas is so wonderful, but my most favorite thing of all about winter is Jonny Richardson. The love of my life, the sugar to my lemonade, and the man of my dreams. When we were little we were really close. I thought nothing would break us apart. We always walked home from school together, and played on the tire swing in his backyard. And sometimes he would invite me over to have supper with his family. We were best friends.

Over the years I began to feel more for Jonny. I looked at him differently. I thought my heart was going to explode at sometimes, because I would get this weird jittering feeling there, and it would make me feel as if I were floating into the clouds. Then one day I found out that it had to be love. It turned out like one of those movies were you fall in love with your best guy friend. That sort of thing, but the day I was going to tell Jonny how I felt, he had found that he was moving to California. His mother had wanted to move there. She was sick of all the cold, Missouri winters, and she wanted to go back to the place where she had grown up. It was last minute, which I kept my secret safe and sound in my mind. Jonny left me with tear filled eyes as his mom back out of the driveway. He hollered to me, I will always be your friend Lynn, I will come back for you some day, I know how you feel about me, and I feel the same. His voice grew further and further away as there car disappeared into the fog.

After that times for me were hard. Mama and I became best friends after that, and I talked to her about everything. I told her how I felt, and she would always give me the best advice. I really loved talking to mama about many things. She always knew what to say to make me smile. I felt like we were getting so close. But as we got closer, daddy drifted away from mama more and more every day. I didn’t want my parents to get in fights or break up. They were two lovely people in love. I was not going to come between them. I knew my mama would not be able to take the pain from him leaving. So I talked to her and I told her that I thought it was best for her to quit talking to me so much. I told her I loved her, but I could tell that she and daddy just weren’t in love anymore. I told her she needed to have dinner or romantic nights with him. So I would go out for long walks and I would sit outside under the big willow tree Jonny and I used to play tag around. Even though it hurt me not to have Jonny, and to have to let mama go, I somehow made it along. I loved my daddy and I knew that my mama needed time with him. I know he loved, but I also knew how much he wanted a boy. But he let go of it and accepted me. I could tell some nights that something was wrong with daddy but he always said he was fine, when I asked him how he felt. I drifted away from my parents, even though I loved them. I began focusing on my letters to Jonny, and just let the days past slowly.

I was 13 when Jonny left, and now I just turned 17. For four long years we wrote to each other about every other week. I wrote to him about how much I cared for him, and he responded to so much a joy that my heart felt complete forever. Then one day I got a letter in the mail. I could smell a strange odor for that the letter was very important, and was going to bring fabulous news. I ripped the letter open with delight as I held it close to my heart and began to read.

Dear Lynn,

Oh, how much I miss you so. I can feel your breath when I am reading your letters. They make feel very, lifted inside. I only have thought of what my news will bring. I know you will be so delighted for what I am about to tell you. I love you very much Lynn and I wanted to spend my life with you. So I have been working very hard to earn some money and I have finally earned enough that I will be coming back to you, very soon. I will leave on the train to Missouri on December 11th. I should arrive at the old train stop by December 15th. I want this day to be the best day of our lives. Dress in something very pretty and pack a bag of your finest things. Tell your mama goodbye for you might not see her for a while. I have much planned and many surprises for you. I hope you trust me and I will see you there. I love you with all of my heart, and I have waited and waited for this day to come. Finally it is here. I hope that you still want to be with me. Well I must go pack my things. I will see you very soon. I love you so very much.

Yours, J

Update:

In me and mamas special times we had together I promised her that I would never let her down, or lie to her. I told her how I though daddy had some complications and that he might have to leave us. And even if I moved away I would never let her go or quit talking to her. I love you mama, I yelled as I ran for my car. This was it, my life was going to have a brand new beginning and I would only be a child for minutes to spare. I grasped my purse tight, push my shoulders up and smiled with positive thoughts.

Update 3:

From that day on we spent a beautiful 60 years together. We had 3 wonderful children and have 5 grandchildren now. And through the birthdays, and Christmases, and 4th of Julys. Our life was complete. With no more love than anyone could share. Jonny died when he was 77, last year he had a heart attack. I’m going to be 79 soon and I know that someday I will meet with him again. I waited before and it was all worth it. So when I die I won’t be scared. I will be happy, because I know that I am going to spend the rest of my life with Jonny Richardson. And I just wanted to take the time to share my story with you, for all of those who have to wait for there loved ones. It is so, very much worth it. It’s simply beautiful!

The End!!!

Update 5:

What i meant by good was more like helpful. Gosh im only 16, did you have to be so damn rude!

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