My fiance may have looked at porn behind my back...?
My fiance and I have both grown up in very conservative family's and I thought we had both agreed that looking at pornography is not something to be proud of. He has a history of looking at internet porn but after we started dating, he promised that he would never look at it. because it really really makes me uncomfortable. This was well over a year ago. However, I was gone for a weekend to visit my family for my birthday, and when I came back, I had a hunch to check the history. Sure enough, there were three hits on redtube. ON MY FRIGGING BIRTHDAY. I asked him why, and he still swears up and down that he didn't look at it and has no idea how it got on his computer. But no one else uses it, and...if something shows up on your computer history, that site's been visited, hasn't it? I don't know whether to believe him or not. I don't want to leave him for something that seems so trivial, but if we're going to get married, I will not stand for that in my home. What should I do? I know a lot of you probably do look at porn and whatever you may think is fine. It's just the idea of it all...
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CAN I GET A AMEN HERE ! BOYS WILL BE BOYS :p just as long as it isnt dog porn or some twisted stuff like that
If it is on your history, then it was looked at. I caught my husband that way, and there was also some awful stuff that came across the computer when I was on it. I'd open something and there explicit photos were. It almost broke us up. At the time he had no sex drive and he said he was trying to arouse it. I told him never again.
I'd be more concerned even if it were males or was looking like kids. You know where even 18 year olds are dressing like school girls. I'd steer clear of that totally.
You know you can't trust him and that he lies. When they lie convincingly it is even more difficult. Had a problem with my husband too in that way. He stole my vicodin and denied it, but I knew he had as I counted them. Later he took some and denied it and were at psychiatrist and told him and he asked if he'd take a drug test and he said yes. Then asked if it was going to come clean or not and he didn't know and then admitted he did take them. So I know he lies. But he has a mental problem and I feel more like a mom anymore. Lies destroy trust and a marriage and love. I can't trust him. I lock our meds in a safe. No money in there, just meds. If I were young, I wouldn't want to do this. I'm not young and we sort of watch out for each other, but I know I can't trust him. I am living with that because I do care for him. But we don't really have a marriage.
I don't know if he is worth it or not. You could have him get counseling. Problem is that unless counselor is conservative he might not see that as a problem, though the truth issues should be.
God bless you. My ex has his porno magazines and I found some in bathroom where our son might see it. I was mad about that. He eventually cheated on me - once and I forgave and then again later with someone else and he didn't feel he loved me anymore. I think the porno magazines can mess up marriages and give an unrealistic expectation - all the enhanced and fake bodies. Might stimulate you both for a while but ... If he cheats on you that way, will he cheat on you with a woman later on?
Maybe you need to go more slowly while you think about it or you work it out. Could someone else have been in your home to access those files? if not, then I'd say he is lying to you as history is where you visited on the computer.
First of all, you have made it loud and clear that there are some issues between you two. Clearly you folks have a complicated relationship, as do most human beings in love. When emotions and hormones get involved, it become difficult at times.
That being said, this is yahoo answers, so I am free to make my snap judgment if I desire...
You two are repressed sexually.
What a man and a woman do in the privacy of their own homes, or elsewhere if everyone involved is a consenting adult, is entirely the private business of the man and woman involved, or men and women, or... as the case may be. Sometimes the people involved, the man, or the woman, will desire some sexual satisfaction on their own. Men are visual creatures. We enjoy viewing sexual imagery while we are producing our own gratification. It is natural. It is enjoyable. Everyone involved can enjoy the experience, as long as certain taboo behavior is not involved.
Ah, what is taboo?
Ultimately, the two of you need to define your taboos for one another, and then stick to them, unless further definition/re-definition occurs between you.
Talk. Find the way to help each other enjoy your sexuality. Don't be afraid to take some risks. You'll be glad you did.
I think the issue here is a trust issue, seeing as you've both agreed voluntarily.
Chances are he did look at them but let this one go, now that he's aware things get checked now and then, plus you have asserted and restated the way you feel about the issue hasn't changed.
If it happens again, have a talk with him and let him know this is a trust issue and that he'd given his word.
You may think you 'both' agreed that looking at porn is wrong, but obviously your fiance hasnt.
Millions of men look at porn. Its mostly harmless and doesnt mean he doesnt love or respect you.
I know you may not agree, but its really no big deal, as long as its not too extreme.
Big deal. You are going to have a hard time finding a new fiance who hasn't but good luck any how.
Get over it
take him out back and flog him...... get a life, you my dear can't control every thing... as long as he is not asking you to hang from the lite fixtures who cares he's not hurting anything.
So?
At least he;s not "doing" annything honey.