MTF Transgender relationship suggestion.?
Pretty much i'm engaged to an amazing woman. She loves me for who I am, and accept's Alexandria completely. She are talking about getting married soon and all that stuff. But here is the issue.. She want's kids, so do I. But we can not afford them quite yet, and I don't know how much longer I can wait to begin HRT... We have talked about storing semen, in case i'm sterile by the time we decide to have kid's. But she want's our first child to be conceited normally. I thought I could be fine with this, but the way things are looking I may not get to begin hormones for quite some time. That is literally tearing me apart inside. I just don't know how to explain to her how hard it truly is waiting to begin my treatment for a normal conception. I don't mean for this to sound selfish of me but I have always felt as if I was suppose to be born female since I was very very young. And it took forever just for me to admit to myself let alone others who and what I am. Does anybody have any advise on this? I would really love to begin HRT with-in the next couple months and hope that i'm not sterile by the time we try to conceive. And if I am then we can always impregnate her through stored semen. I just wanna hear some other opinions and suggestions on talking to her about this.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Wow, talk about planning a train wreck!
Transition isn't some willy-nilly walk in the park. It's more like climbing Mount Everest. First off, it takes a few years, and can cost upwards of $80,000. If you can't afford kids, how will you afford Transition? Starting a family in the middle of Transition is like trying to paint a painting on a rocking rowboat. There's a good chance you, or the painting, will end up in the water. Life CHANGES when you transition, and you can't predict in how many ways. You may lose friends, family, your job, your residence... are you prepared to do this with a newborn on the way?
Second, few marriages survive Transition, even when the spouse says they will stay. There is a big difference between accepting you're going to Transition and actually being faced with the changes. Hormones don't just change your body, they affect your emotions. You won't become a different person, but you may think differently, and react differently to a lot of things, and this is something to which your fiance can't possibly know how she will react. There is also a possibility your sexual orientation will shift. It happens to about 30% of Transitioners.
Third, what guarantee is there that your fiance will even get pregnant? You're going to predicate the biggest event in your life (Transition) on something you can't even be sure will happen? Many couples try for months or YEARS to conceive.
Fourth, storing sperm costs a couple of grand, and artificial insemination typically costs between $300 and $500 per attempt. The typical success rate is 10 to 20 percent, so five to ten attempts could be required.
My suggestion is you get a gender therapist and explain your plans to him/her before you do anything else. I think that you are not considering even the simplest ramifications of Transition. For example, how do you even know you will be able to get on HRT? Not everyone can you know. Some people have medical complications, and sometimes the Therapist may not be inclined to give you a referral letter right off the bat. There are a LOT of things you need to consider before you Transition, and I get the impression you haven't really considered many of them.
My suggestion is not to bring kids into this situation. This is not trolling, but an honest assessment.