I am at the end, Suicide, or is there any hope?
Last year at this time I had just gotten home from vacation with my family. I was the happiest person, positive, had a church family, went to the gym. I worked for home health never felt better in my life. My beautiful daughter had just finished high school. I had a husband I loved so much, 16 years of marriage.
Then my daughter went to college, 6 months later my husband wanted a divorce. I was devastated, broken hearted. ( I have no other family my mother was abusive and my father is deceased.)
I have been through Hell, I am broken I am so stressed it just keeps getting worse. I ask God what have I done, what am I doing that is wrong?
In my distress I did make some bad decisions, like quite my job. I felt there was no reason to go on. I was very depressed. I moved to TX. then LA. then back to TN. Then back to LA. I have no home. I had no one so I remarried my first husband, who I thought had stop drinking he was an alcoholic. I have been homeless, beat, cussed. Lived in my car. And YES I was arrested, for haveing 2 xanax, I was asleep in my car at the lake when a game warden came up he searched my car and found I had 2 xanax without a prescription. I have slept in the woods, been ant bitten, Stung by bees, scratched up beat. I am sick now, and the stress is unbearable. I just don't know what to do anymore I want my life back. My x says he might give me antoher chance I love him so much.
Update:When I say x I mean the man I was with 16 years! I remarried my 1st husband because I was alone and afraid. It was not a good decesion. I have done everything to let my x know I love him.
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Hi Jackeline,
There's always hope.
I have been in places I have been severely down. I cannot truthfully say that I have been down as far as you are right now. But I have been in places where my life fell apart, and I have gone through divorce, which was scary and painful. But I didn't give up on life or God, and after a while things began to improve. Your situation is tough, no doubt about it. And figuring out why is often hard.
As one said above my answer, things can change, an improvement in your life could be just around the corner.
The main thing is not to give up. I personally don't think suicide is an answer. Or ever is. For some the temptation to get out of painful situations becomes too much, I think.
Here's what I would suggest>
1. Consider going back with the husband. Get together and talk it out. If he was the one that was abusive (it was a bit confusing above, when you wrote "first husband"), I would proceed carefully and not grasp at answers too quickly.
2. Sit down with a pad of paper and write the answer to this questions:
What do I have going for me right now. I know, your first answer is probably "nothing" or "next to nothing." Think a bit. There's always something. Write it down, everything you can come up with.
3. Are you on good terms with your daughter? If so, get together with her and have a good talk.
4. Realize that stress comes from out thinking, how we look at our circumstances, how we interpret them. Do everything you can to stop the negative thinking, the rehearsal of all the problems and difficulties. When the negative thoughts return, and they will, take charge: Tell them to stop, get mad, mean it!--every time. Distract yourself. Whatever it takes. Focus on what you can do right now--if it's only keeping a roof over your head, eating good food, finding a job or looking for one.
5. With that in mind, grab your pad of paper again. Write down what you want. Tell God about it. Make a plan for getting there. Ask, What would it take? Then start with small steps, and don't give up. Keep asking that question?
6. If you can, get this book, read it and do it, until your depression lifts: "Ten Days to Self-esteem" by David Burns. But you must do the written exercises in this book to get the help.
Listen, I went through years of depressions (as a mild manic depressive, called bi-polar), then was on medication for over 23 years that had unwanted side-effects. Now I am prescription free--at 70, thank God! I came through all of it. If I can, so can you. There's always hope.
7. Get a Christian counselor if you possibly can. Meanwhile, ask God to give you some encouragement and show you what to do and to give you courage to believe. Then fight to believe He will, and He will.
I have prayed for you. I will keep you on my prayer list.
You are counting on others WAY too much to give you happiness that can only come from within. You need to work on all that is broken inside you. Check yourself into a facility and get to the bottom of this. I have been in your situation several times (sans the drug arrest), and I've always reemerged, against all odds. I had to learn to open my eyes and see that there are friends all around me I never knew I had. I'm sure the same is true for you. Depression can be blinding in this way; all you see is the darkness. As for your ex, it sounds to me like he's playing a power game. "Oh, I MIGHT give you another chance..." Then leaving you hanging on, wondering??? That's plain cruel. Best of luck to you.
You have done nothing wrong, but you can't give up and let that divorce get to you, you have to move on first off, second, find another job, just because life gets you down doesn't mean you quit, you just need to keep moving on and try, try to find another job to earn some extra money, live at a apartment, motel or something till you get enough to get a house, do not give up, try to work things out with your X, tell him you are in a tight spot and need help, be strong and don't give up, good luck, and hope i helped
this is situational depression NOT medical
it can change for the better as fast as it collapsed
what goes up , comes down and what falls down bounces up ( maybe not as high but high enough)
you did NOTHING WRONG " **** happens, sometimes more than once"
you DO need counseling from a social service. government or religious, go find it
again another victim of our lousy economy, if you had a job you could do much better
your Ex OWES you! men get mid life crisis also, I hope he sobered up
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You should NEVER do suicide,a psychiatrist can help you