Two guys: Jared and Brandon

Brandon- best friend and person ive kinda been dating; scarcastic, funny, quiet, sweet- most of the time.. "dating" for almost a year (my parents dont like me dating anyone but they dont voice it alot) brandon and i have been friends since freshman year of high school (im a senior) we are great together and i love him but im conflicted because of Jared... Brandon got me a diamond ring for my 18th birthday, took me out for the whole day the only thing i dont like about him is he gets reallly jealous when i talk to any other guy...i stopped talking to Jared for him and i stopped taking to my other friend Jake cause brandon didnt like him...Brandon is so intertwined in my life i just dont know what id do without him. Hes the only person i talk to about everything, hes the person i go to first about anything he tutors me in math, he goes to my youth group we do all our school projects together we have alot of the same classes and basically everywhere i go hes there too. Since were dating but not dating i call him my not-boyfriend boyfriend...

Now Jared....ohh boy... ive known him since 3rd grade, were the same age but hes a year ahead in school, i missed the cut off.. Jared is the sweetest boy in the world, hes incredibly nice, im a senior in high school and ive always liked him since 4th grade, if i ever liked someone else it would have been Jared and someone, never have i stopped liking him...like right now i like Brandon like 80% and Jared 20% but thats cause Jared goes to school so far away for me.. Jared has never left my heart since the day we met, one problem is he didnt want to date in high school which i understand, another problem is his house is 30 mins away from mine. Everytime he comes back he makes an effort to see me. Since he was here for winter vacation he wanted to go to the beach so we went with his sister (one of my best friends - year younger then me) later we got pizza and our mutual friend invited us to a Lord of The Rings movie night, Jared and i have this thing we always text each other while were in the same room, not cause we cant talk to each but because we just like having secret conversations. so we were texting during the movies, we ended up sitting next to each other and at one point i think he tryed to hold my hand but i freaked and oulled away because can you imagine like a person for years and now, NOW they try to do something?! i dont know what do... should i stay safe with Brandon or should i see if something could happen with Jared? For years i accepted that Jared wouldnt ever like me back and i know that now he still wouldnt actually do anything until after he gets out of college if he did try something with me, he wouldnt like a long distant relationship...but i still love Brandon and i know that if i leave brandon for Jared he would never let me back into his heart...i already broke it once when i broke us up the first time...