Question about sending a child to bed without dinner....?
Do you actually not feed them? Or do you give them something eventually. My boyfriend and I are trying to get his daughter to sit down and eat dinner better. She always saying now she doesn't like it, even though we know she does. We started giving her 3 choices: eat what we're eating, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or nothing. Last night she chose nothing, but sat there and cried at the table that she wanted scrambled eggs and we told her that wasn't one of her choices. Then after we finished eating and cleaned up, she cried she was hungry so again we gave her the choices and she didn't want them so we gave her nothing. After a little bit we gave her some cereal so she wouldn't go to bed hungry. Later we talked about it and my boyfriend remembers being little and actually going to bed without eating and he thinks maybe we should of done that, where as I think we should have just made the pb&j and set it on the table for her. I figure if she's as hungry as she says she is, she'll eat it eventually.
So my question is, what do you do in this situation? She's 4 years old, are we being to hard on her? I just worry if we don't start cracking down on her eating dinner with us, she'll only ever want to eat scrambled eggs and dry cereal.
Update:And I do ask her what she likes, I even let her help me cook most the time. She says she likes it but when she sits down and it's time to eat, she gets into the "I don't like it" mode.
Also she does snack throughout the day, but not junk. I keep carrots and celery and little bowls of light ranch dressing in the fridge for her to snack on. Also I have cut up apples in there for her and yogurt. Maybe once or twice a week we'll let her eat half a chocolate bar (not that we're health food junkies, but my boyfriend and i get plenty of junk food at work so we don't keep it at the house lol)
Answers & Comments
Verified answer
Stop giving her choices by doing that you are giving her the power of negotiation which she should not have. The choice should be food (what you cooked for dinner) or no food. She will not starve no child has that has food available to her.
There are two ways to look at this or any situation. Perhaps there is more to the situation then just a prissy, spoiled girl not eating. Maybe she is looking for attention. It might not be a bad idea to ask your self what your and your bf relationship is like with the child. Do you or he spend enough time together and give her enough positive attention? could there possibly be a copetition and what better time for a show down with an audiance? Maybe if all of that is just a quack and has no bearing at all in the situation I would just say....FEED HER!!! Kids are crazy, especially at that age. Let them eat whenever thier hungry or eating will end up being a scary uncomfortable thing for her down the road. She'll fear eating or use it as a focal point for negative attention.
A little baby at 4 is barley able to just whip out the food and make her self food. Maybe you should get her more involved with cooking! Find out what she likes, take her shopping with you to the grocery store and let her be part of the process. Adults and kids are picky eaters, you shouldn't punish her because she dosn't like something or isn't in the mood. NEVER punish a kid with food, she could end up being anorexic.
Lastly, check what she's eating throughout the day. If she's eating junk all day then naturally she wont want to eat at dinner time.
Good luck, and remember....she's only FOUR!
: )
When i was young and stayed with my grandmother her rule was "you eat what i make and be thankful or you eat nothing at all". It started at around 4 and i quickly learned to not deny the food that she made for me. She was a tough one, never backed down. But in the end i thanked her because now, i'm not picky in the least bit, she gave me the chance to try so many different foods, and she taught me the "respecting other people and the work they do for you lesson" over and over until i had it down pat.
But she was in her 70s at the time and very old fashioned. Maybe there are better ways to go about it now. All i know is that her way worked wonders with me.
But for you specifically, you're already giving her the choice of something other than what you cooked. If you give her those 3 choices, then she can choose out of those 3 choices. Don't give her more or she'll think that she can always break you down by crying and pouting. Stick to your guns a few times and see what happens.
Since the little girl doesn't really have any dinner rules at her house, maybe you and dad need to talk with her about mealtime. You can let her know that everyone's meal time is different, and at your house, everyone eats the same things. You can tell her you will try to make some things she likes at meal time, also.
You can also let her know that meal time is not a punishment, it's simply the last meal of the day for everyone, including Dad and you. Then ask her if she understands.
I know it's difficult when we have kids going from one parent to the other's house during the week. There are adjustments, and i'm sure that, in time, the little girl will adjust to you and your husband's schedule.
take care and i wish you all the best.
It is your duty as a parent to do whats best for your child. I applaud your determination to teach her good eating habits and overall nice manners. She's 4 years old right now, so basically have it under control. One day she'll be 16 and situations only get bigger with age. Teach her now right from wrong. The right thing is to eat the nutritious meal that was made to her. You guys are being generous to give her the choice of PB&J. Good job mom and dad. Let her go to bed hungry. She'll eventually get over whatever she doesn't like and eat the good food you prepare. Unless she has some sort of health/diet issue, she'll be fine. Put your foot down now about the small stuff and she'll respect you for it, later in life you'll have it a lot easier. I'm sending big hugs to you from one mother to another. Well done. Good luck, I'm not saying its gonna be easy, but you're doing the right thing. She'll be fine. She's lucky to have parents like you who actually teach her good healthy life long habits.
She's actually old enough to understand that she needs to eat what is provided for her. Like you said, if she's starving, she'll eat what's there. She is testing her limits. By giving her a special dinner apart from what the rest of the family is having, you are setting a dangerous precedent. She needs to eat what everyone else is eating. She's going to be picky at this age, but she has to try things. Even if she does go to bed hungry for one night, it won't harm her. She needs to learn to eat at dinner time with the family, or she'll manipulate you even more as she gets older, and develop poor eating habits. Perhaps you could try letting her help plan meals for the week or night. Give her a choice of two main dishes, and two side dishes, but everyone will eat the same thing. She can even help you prepare it. This could be a good lesson for her.
I think it's sweet on your part to care so much. This is your boyfriend, so the child is not yours. You did not provide any details as to how long her parents have been divorced. Or what the situation is.
This may be her way of trying to get attention from her dad, or from you. If you are new in her life, she may feel overwhelmed. If you and your boyfriend are talking without including her, it may be her way of getting attention.
You could try asking her what she would like for dinner. If she wants eggs, so be it. Then, if she doesn't eat them, I would not make her anything else. But start by making it a choice.
I wouldn't let her go to bed hungry. At her age, she is not in control of all her emotions. Give her a snack, a cuddle and read her a book.
I give my children whatever we are eating for dinner and if they don't eat it, then that is that. I don't give them a choice. If they tell me they are done and get up from the table without eating, I leave it on the table for them. They don't get snacks or anything else. They may come back now and then to graze at their food, sometimes they will sit down later and eat it all, or they may not touch it at all and go to bed hungry, but I'm not going to make whatever they want whenever they want. I figure that they won't let themselves starve to death and come breakfast time, if they haven't eaten dinner, they will be hungry and really want breakfast.
i does not use it as a punishment for something different than interior the case the place the youngster is refusing to consume dinner. maximum docs agree that a wholesome toddler can pass the occasional meal without harm. Forcing a toddler to consume dinner whilst he or she isn't hungry encourages overeating. Sending a toddler to mattress without dinner for say, swearing, isn't a lifelike punishment. a greater constructive approach is to do away with a privilege, like television time. Dinner should not be a privilege.
You just have to put your foot down. As a parent you never want to see your child upset, but she is trying to get you to feed her what she wants. maybe you could sit down with her and tell her that one day a week she gets to pick what is for dinner. than let her go to the store and help you make the meal. that worked with my god daughter. she has a choice..she can eat or go hungry and i can guarantee you after a few times of not eating..she will begin to eat. good luck.