Well schools always been tough for me... its never been smooth sailing for me through anything. I get quite allot of abuse from people and i just wanna know why people just never seem to like me. It started a few years ago. I'm 15 now and i just feel so alone. I've never talked to anyone about what actually happens at school because i feel like they will just leave me or they wont understand what i am forced to go through every single day of my life. The bullying consists of pretty much all types of bullying. Here's just a little piece of my life. I was walking home from school when Jay shoved me into a pole meaning right now i have a nasty bruise on the right side of my head. Instead of being a hero and standing up to them, i crossed the rode and just kept walking... It wasn't one of my smartest ideas coz they followed me and surrounded me. Right then i was scared for my life because i have been beaten up severely in the past, too the point i had to be rushed to the emergency room because of internal bleeding and a broken rib. My mother asked what happened to me and i said i fell down the stairs... I cant say someone beat me up because, i just can't, don't ask why i just choose not to. Well they were surrounding me, and i tried braking out of the barrier of 5 boys but i'm as weak as a new born baby and have never been able to hold up my own. I stood there looking past them when hands wrapped around me and i was held in place.. punches were thrown, kicks were bounced onto me here and there and my phone is now... Gone. Trust me this isn't the worst of what has happened to me in the past. I stumbled home only to be greeted by my personal photos all uploaded onto Facebook... yeah my Facebook account was online when they took my phone 'THANKFULLY i never take any inappropriate photos on my phone, but they were a few were i was in a bikini because i wen on a trip to Cyprus with a few friends and i didn't really want people seeing me like that. After a few days of comments on the pictures ranging from Perverts to "Haters" i deleted my account. (i reported the photos but they were repeatedly uploaded by of them) it was a new phone as well and my parents don't know about what happens to me or that my phone is no longer with me. My physical appearance, i wouldn't say i was TERRIBLE looking (the profile pic) im not the skinniest person in the world but i do play my fair share of sports and so yeah. I have braces and am short for my age but this stuff is not mentioned much. To my knowledge i have never done offensive things to the people that do bully me and thats most of my year. The bullying also consits of racial bullying because im half White from my mums side and Jamaican from my dads side and the abuse i get is unbelievable. The words are just so offensive and disgusting. Im going through a boy saying he likes me and he is rather close with those that do this stuff to me and im not sure if hes playing me or hes genuine. I dont wanna sound desperate but i have like the boy in the past and i guess its kinda nice thinking that someone doesn't see you as 'a midget Oreo (there words'). ADVICE... There has been minor sexual abuse but no more that inappropriate touching and kissing above the neck. I Know this is alot but please take the time to help me out... ive had suicidal thoughts but i've never attempted and i doubt that i ever will. I have 2 best friends... Sean and Niko when there their nothing happens and if something does they stand up for me and protect me but they don't know the half of it... Why do i get all this abuse, do i deserve it, have i done something?? someone help me