part 3 of my 12th spoken word poem called they told me, they never told me, I am telling you critque?
I am telling you today
Use advice as a tool
Not as a rule
Because the advice
Has layers
Layers that hate you
And small thin layer
That will help you
So use it
And find that layer
Because that is yours
And will help you succeed.
I am telling you today
You are you
Your life is yours
Life is for you
Ready to listen
So speak
And write
And dance
Your will on life
Because life is yours
Till you lose it
Till the tyres come off
Till the grip loosens
And then you float
And pray to gravity
To let you stay on earth
Because the land despises you
And the elements are disgusted by you.
I am telling you your book is clean
Your story is starting
Your future is waiting for you
To write it
In your present
Because you can’t live in a house
Without a foundation.
So write that future
With your choices of today
And actions of tomorrow
And say no to that door
That’s blocking you from your life
That’s blocking you from you true self
Because time is ticking
And life keeps going,
So decide to be the one that is told the lies
Or the one that sees the truth
And paves the way
For the rest.
That’s what am telling you today
Because I wasn’t told.
Answers & Comments
I read parts 1, 2, and 3 and liked it all very much. Great idea for poem and nice job of bringing it to fruition. This is the work of a natural-born writer and poet.
Oh my,,Format is bad and the message seems to be getting weaker.
I am begging you, pleading today
Use advice as a tool,not a rule,
The advice has multiple layers,
You peel away to grasp wisdom.
The effort is there, and I like the concept. The twist at the end supports
what you are trying to say here. The poem lacks imagery, and is confusing
when written in 1st person "I" and 2nd person "you." "I" am guessing is the
narrator/protagonist. Who is "you?" With more work and editing your poem
could be very good in my opinion.
Very good
wow, very deep