I am angry with God, and I can't help the way I feel.?

I'm jobless, depressed, in a weird relationship, and yes, I blame myself for at least 55% of the things I did to myself, but the truth is there are too many things out of my realm of control, or leaving it to faith. The most tiring thing is having hope and faith in the possibility of change, only to be derailed, or have nothing happen at all. Where is God? Atheists, I don't care about your interests either way, I am not an atheist, don't care about being an atheist. I do care about my soul, which is going through horrendous lapses in judgement. Please don't tell me to pray, that is all I have been doing for years. I would like not to be so angry.

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