How to deal with my mom?
So I grew up with my father, and my mother works abroad, she visits once a year. Just to get detailed, my existence was a mistake. My dad has his own family. I was born when my mom had a disgrace on me and said she doesn't want me. My father had to deal with everything to his wife and 3 children on the situation. In the first place, the child should be with its mother. After a few months, my mom accused my father for stealing me. My dad payed his lawyer, he was forced to also pay my mother's lawyer and was also forced to pay money to my mother and I was taken away from him. When she realized she can't take care of me along with my 2 brothers with her, she took me back to my father and let him pay for my education up until now. She went abroad to work when I was 7. Now I'm turning 16.
Fast forward, my mom wanted me to go with her abroad. Actually, she's forcing me. She's telling me to do this for her. She's asking why can't I just tell my dad to let me even for once. I'm being squished here. She's wants me to go with her, but my dad doesn't. She gets angry for me not forcing him, he also gets angry when I agree with her. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. She's messaging me now to tell my dad while its still early. I can't even reply to her even with a change of topic, she'll just notice it. As much as I hate my mom, I don't know why but I don't want to lose contact with her.
Update:I'm happy here with my father. I'm also dealing with school, I'd be going off to college in a year. I want to enjoy while I still have time for high school. I want to live normally. What am I even going to do there while she has work on weekdays. She wanted me to stay for a month. I can't just straight up tell her I can't go. She has all the counter-attacks. Worse, she would blackmail me to my brothers.
Update 3:I don't know whom I should talk to. Please help me. Don't tell me that I'm already lucky in my situation than others. I'm literally crying right now so please.
Answers & Comments
I'm almost the same age as you, so we may have similar perspectives. Just think of what your father has done for you,he sacrificed his early adulthood to let you and your other sibilings to live a comfortable life after being betrayed by your mother. What does your mother thinks of now that you have matured and all the hard times are over? Does she even remember how did your father struggle while you were just a kid and had to earn money for survival and take care of you? Don't abandon your father at any cost as he has proved his self during the times of difficulty now it's your turn to show him that you are accepting him like when he chose you instead of ignoring you. I'm not sure about your mom, but if she has abandoned you in the past, she can also abandon you in the future.
You are approaching 16 yrs of age. Your mother would have to go to Court in the Country that you now live in (be that USA, Canada or England - you do not say). That will take time- possibly a year or more - Courts are backed up. So Exhale and relax. Your DAD has been there, he sacrificed and it is your support system, your friends, your schooling (universities abroad are very different - culture shock for you). You can tell your Mother, that although you appreciate the fact that she is willing to support you (can she, will she?), that you prefer to stay with your loving father, your friends, your community connections, etc. That you do not want to loose a connection with her and possibly once you are out on your own, you can both make mutually convenient arrangements to visit each other? Your not cutting her off, but she made her decision and with all decisions there are consequences. It is NOT FAIR to you, to rip you out of your comfort zone, you as a Child have rights. No Court will ignore your wishes. A child at 12 yrs of age is listened to by the Judge. You have nothing to worry about. Speak to your Dad, ask him to be calm and he can do some research for the Laws in your County where you live, and/or hire a Lawyer. He can also write your Mother and tell her of his intent to do 'what is in the BEST INTERESTS of the child, namely, YOU. Relax honey...........nobody can force you to move, you have RIGHTS! Cheers!
Its a matter of complete choice. Your father has always backed you up, he has supported you every way he can, i mean he raised you up. There were two times when your mom abandoned you realising you were a burden on her. Now dont be selfish not wanting to cut contacts with your mother and brothers. What if this time too she takes you abroad and then again realises that it was a mistake. Your father may take you back coz he cares fr you. But whats your stand? You decide..your father never left you shouldnt you. As simple as that.
tell your dad about it