Can someone solve my conundrum?
I struggle to do anything, even basic stuff like taking care of myself. I'm 20 and have never been in a routine of anysort, I'm not impulsive and am idecisive to the point of inaction, i have no motivation, I doubt myself, make excuses, don't care about myself and feel worthless so I tend to be unable to do anything because I want to do because its only for me and i don't think anything I do will be fulfilling, have no self esteem, suffer from bouts of depression, over the recent years have focus issues, and am frustrated and angry to the point of impatience and I used to be really patient, also have an issue of overthinking and making things too complicated and difficult for myself. So what do I do?
I have some stuff I want to do such as college in december: Do my GCSE's, A-levels and then go to uni or join the navy commandos. But I don't know If I'll be able to stick to college as I haven't been able to in the past. To join the commandos, I need to lose a lot of weight (i weigh 252lbs), get fit and learn how to swim, all of which I plan to do anyway. To do that I need to join the gym. I want to learn to drive, learn three martial arts: krav maga, aikido and escrima, and be in a relationship for the first time ever and also finish writing at least one novel.
The things stopping me are: motivation, self doubt and negative thinking, money, impatience, low self esteem, indecisiveness, focus issues and feeling empty and unfulfilled on the inside. Please read the comments i put
Answers & Comments
If you want to take a less medicated approach,
Just try to find it within yourself to set and achieve a small goal.
The trick is however, to make the goal something you've never done before.
Then gradually set bigger goals and strive to achieve them.
The point is to prove to yourself that you are very capable of doing anything you set your mind on.
You need medication for your depression.
You might have attention deficit disorder ADD There is medication for that also.
DO NOT have drugs whether they are medicinal or recreational! I can't stress how much you must stay away from drugs when you have anxiety; you do hear that drugs are bad for anxiety, but there isn't much emphasis on this. I'm not sure exactly how anxiety works in the brain, but basically it could well be affected by your brain chemistry. Drugs will only alter your brain chemistry and possibly cause damage even, and your anxiety is going to get much much worse in the process!
DO NOT have alcohol! Alcohol is REALLY bad for anxiety. People who have anxiety like to rely on alcohol because it gives them a boost of confidence; you seriously need to stay away from it completely! Alcohol also affects the brain chemistry but it also causes damage to the brain.
DO NOT have cigarettes/electronic cigarettes! Nicotine is extremely addictive, and having things like e-cigs or cigarettes will become an extremely addictive thing to have. They also affect brain chemistry, and I believe that they will also affect anxiety.
You need to start eating a good diet full of fruit, vegetables and good healthy proteins. Fruit and vegetables especially are extremely good for flushing out toxins in the body and cleaning you out. After a long time of having natural raw foods such as these, your brain chemistry will begin to return to a balanced state and this will help in getting rid of anxiety.
Avoid junk/processed foods. Junk foods contain many different chemicals and we aren't sure exactly what these chemicals are doing to our minds and body's. They also make us become depressed because we end up piling on lot's of weight as a result.
Get rid of ANY stress such as coursework/revision/tasks etc. basically get anything done that needs to be done. Staying organised and keeping on top of life gives you peace of mind and allows you to feel relaxed, and also the fact that you are putting in effort and working hard will boost your self-esteem. Your confidence will increase also because you will begin to feel proud of yourself for having so much dedication and determination.
If you watch porn then you must stop doing it. Porn is distracting, but also corrupts the mind and leads to masturbation; these 2 are a bad combination also. Porn and masturbation can cause changes in your view of sex and they can even cause physical problems such as fatigue, tiredness, aches and pains, hot sweats and a few other things. The two of them will make your anxiety worse so stay away from them. You must also avoid masturbation even if it is without porn.
Never stay up all night on your computer and never do "all-nighters". Get at least 8 hours of sleep every night and try to get early nights. You need to get into a good sleeping routine. Switch off lights an hour before you want to go to sleep so your body gets tired in the darkness. When you are ready to go to sleep, you must switch off all artificial lights and get rid of any sounds. You will get an extremely good sleep in this kind of condition.
Avoid big distractions such as friends, television or your computer and spend your time much more productively doing things such as studying or working or researching etc.
Do some exercise everyday for 20 minutes at least but try to get it out of the way as soon as you can so you can focus on the rest of the day.
You can also do some strength training at the gym if you wish or do push-ups and sit-ups whenever you wish to.
Find a physical hobby such as boxing, mma, or any other kind of sport.
Be friendly with others but try to keep yourself to yourself mostly so it enables you to stay focussed. It's good to socialise with friends, but make sure your friends aren't bad and aren't bad influences on you.
Always have self respect and never let others use you or disrespect you. If you ever notice this happening to you, then simply avoid that person and they will get the hint.
Never get into arguments or quarrels with people because this will bring you down. Just try to deal with confrontations in a civilised manner so nobody gets hurt and you stay happy.
Always take care of your appearance and always make an effort to look nice, neat and tidy by wearing nice clean, smart clothes and having a good haircut. Always stay clean and fresh and shower regularly and apply antiperspirant and perfume/cologne/aftershave.
If you ever come across something that seems like a bad idea, then it probably is a bad idea, so I suggest you always avoid that thing.
Try to be mentally strong and encourage yourself even when you have to go out of your comfort zone, because giving yourself mental challenges and then succeeding or doing well in these challenges will really improve your confidence and belief in yourself.
The way I see thing such as anxiety, is that our brain chemistry has an imbalance, and besides that our self esteem is low, so because we don't feel relaxed or confident and don't love ourselves, we struggle to interact with the world around us, so we feel depressed. A lot of it is to do with internal factors, and external factors; these things affect our thoughts and the way we view ourselves and the things around us. If we change external factors such as diet, exercise, reduce stress, good sleep, no drugs/alcohol/cigarettes, no porn/masturbation, avoid distractions, work hard majority of the time to improve self esteem and confidence and self worth then we begin to feel settled within ourselves and we have an inner sense of peace, and as we begin to feel better about ourselves, our relationships and interactions with people improve and we become much more confidence and the world starts to feel much bigger because we no longer feel restricted to constantly staying in our comfort zones.
The main thing is to take care of the body and mind with the things I have mentioned and obviously avoid certain things, and gradually you will begin to feel better, and the more you keep going, the better you are going to feel.